
There are so many things you can do with your mouth to make sex more enjoyable; talking is at the top of the list. Here are some pointers that might make the discussions go more smoothly:
• Start by talking about sex in subtle (making use of clever and indirect methods to achieve some thing) ways. For example, over dinner conversation mention topics in the news that involve sexual issues. Or say something like: “I just saw an interesting story in a magazine about people who abstain from sex because they are so afraid of AIDS. What do you think of that?” That way, you'll be talking about sex, without getting too personal right away.

• Make sure it's the right time and place to talk. Too many people wait to talk about sex until they are in the heat of passion. Or they bring it up when one of
them is tired, distracted, drinking, or at some other inappropriate time. You should talk about it when you are both awake, not fooling around, not drinking and you have time to talk.
• Think about what you want to say first. That way at least one of you will be prepared for the conversation.• Talk about your feelings rather than talking about how you think your partner
feels. Use “I” statements. For example, say “I feel lonely when I want to kiss you and you want to pull away.” Instead of saying, “You must be afraid of intimacy (an intimate act,especially sexual intercourse) because of the way you pull away from me when I try to kiss you.”
• Be positive. Don't tell your partner, “I hate it that we make out so much, but we never go all the way.” Instead, concentrate on the things you like first, putting a positive spin on it: “I love the way it feels when we make out. I think it would feel even better if we went all the way.”
• Be specific, honest, and explicit. If you want to ask your lover to get tested for a sexually transmitted disease, don't beat around the bush and say, “I waswondering if you're safe.” Be direct. Say: “Even though I still want to use condoms, I think it would be a good idea if we both got tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Will you do that?” Or if you want to tell your lover that you have orgasms more easily when you're on top, then don't say something like, “I like to have sex in any position.” Say: “Anything is fine, but I orgasm best when I'm on top.” You should be able to talk that explicitly with your partner so that you can get what you want out of sex.
• To make sure you understand each other, after you partner speaks, paraphrase back to him or her what you think he or she just said. That way you can double check that you are not misinterpreting anything, and get clarifications when necessary.• Ask a lot of questions if you need to discuss or negotiate a topic. It will help you resolve the real issue. Such as if your partner says your kissing could use some work, try asking, “Is there anything I can do to make it more appealing when I try to kiss you.” Or “Do you think you know why you don't like kissing me.”
• Once you know what your issues are, try to talk about your options. When it comes to sexuality there are usually several ways to resolve issues. Discuss them all, then compromise about what will work best for your relationship.
This might all seem like a lot to remember when all you want to do is have a conversation about sex. But because sex can be an embarrassing and awkward (causing or feeling uneasy embarrassment or not smooth or graceful)subject for so many people to talk about, these tips will really help. Also, the more you talk about sex, the easier it will become.














